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Jokes Click Here for More |
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Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still
are!
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced
to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news
is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The
bad news While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and
girls, what do we know about God? A hand shot up in the air. "He is
an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just
before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but
there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as
if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long
trip." People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I
know what the Bible means!" Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to,
ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were
expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was
annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute
had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to
know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said
impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
DID NOAH FISH?
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being
f THE GOOD SAMARITAN:
Two Priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were
determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that
would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they
headed for a store and bought WOW, WHAT A WAKEUP Dear God: Why didn't you save the school children at ?. . . Moses Lake, Washington 2/2/96 Bethel, Alaska 2/19/97 Pearl, Mississippi 10/1/97 West Paducah, Kentucky 12/1/97 Stamps, Arkansas 12/15/97 Jonesboro, Arkansas 3/24/98 Edinboro, Pennsylvania 4/24/98 Fayetteville, Tennessee 5/19/98 Springfield, Oregon 5/21/98 Richmond, Virginia 6/15/98 Littleton, Colorado 4/20/99 Taber, Alberta, Canada 5/28/99 Conyers, Georgia 5/20/99 Deming, New Mexico 11/19/99 Fort Gibson, Oklahoma 12/6/99 Santee, California 3/5/01 and El Cajon, California 3/22/01? Sincerely, Concerned Student ----------------------------------------------------- Reply: Dear Concerned Student: I am not allowed in schools. Sincerely, God How did this get started?... Let's see, I think it started when Madeline Murray O'Hare complained she didn't want any prayer in our schools. And we said, OK... Then, someone said you better not read the Bible in school, the Bible that says "thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbors as yourself," And we said, OK... ----------------- Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem. And we said, an expert should know what he's talking about so we won't spank them anymore.. ------------------ Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave. And the school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued. And we accepted their reasoning... ------------------ Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms they want, so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents they got them at school. And we said, that's another great idea... ------------------ Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. And we said, it doesn't matter what anybody, including the President, does in private as long as we have jobs and the economy is good... ------------------ And someone else took that appreciation a step further and published pictures of nude children and then stepped further still by making them available on the Internet. And we said, everyone's entitled to free speech.... ------------------ And the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence and illicit sex... And let's record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes... And we said, it's just entertainment and it has no adverse effect and nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead... ------------------ Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, classmates or even themselves. ------------------ Undoubtedly, if we thought about it long and hard enough, we could figure it out. I'm sure it has a great deal to do with... "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW," ------------------ Pass it on if you think it has merit! If not then just discard it...but if you discard this thought process, then don't you dare sit back and complain about what bad shape this world is in...
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Phone#: 614-538-0988 Email: sharethevision@columbus.rr.com
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